Monday, December 29, 2014

Status Update:

New keyboard and mouse. Computer feels now completely alien and new.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Not gonna lie, re-watching LOST, and I lost it watching Vincent try to swim out to the raft when Walt was sailing away. I don't think they ever saw each other again. --via Facebook

Friday, December 12, 2014

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Status Update:

Disney hired me to work on the sequel to Frozen! I'm thrilled, and here's what I've got so far for Adele Dazeem to sing: "Snow you suck Snow you suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" That's it. Feel free to help me with more new lyrics.

Comics about Stuff

They really do work.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Status Update:

Finally saw the movie Whiplash. Now picturing Gifford Howarth making students bleed on their marimbas.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Perry Bible Fellowship

It's actually tomorrow, but close enough for an abacus. --via Facebook

Comics about Stuff

It's actually tomorrow, but close enough.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Status Update:

All this snow means... i don't have to finish cleaning up the leaves! #ThankfulnessDoneWrong

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Comics about Stuff

This is an amazingly high quality joke that I can't believe hasn't been made before.

Comics about Stuff

No also means no. But vomit, that means NO.

Comics about Stuff

This is an amazingly high quality joke that I can't believe hasn't been made before.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Status Update:

What's worse than realizing that crazy coot you saw having a conversation with an invisible friend is on the phone? Being jealous of their cool Bluetooth headset.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Status Update:

You know the Mad Men are out of ideas when both the Aflac duck and Geico pig are doing spots in yoga classes.

Comics about Stuff

How would Edgar Rice Burroughs handle iPhones? Now we know.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Comics about Stuff

My mom's favorite joke, made into a horror movie.


This is my mom's favorite joke, taken to the horror movie extreme.

Welcome to the --via Facebook

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Serial’s Sarah Koenig on Her Hit Podcast -- Vulture

If you're not listening to this podcast, you should. Though, apparently, if you've ever even heard the word "podcast" before, you probably already are.

I don't know that I'll ever be at peace with what we find or that there will be a definitive verdict. --via Facebook

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Status Update:

Lindsay to me: (laughing) "Blumpkin Spice! That's what you'd be if you were a Spice Girl!"

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Monday, October 13, 2014

Status Update:

1,000 followers on Twitter! I'd quit Facebook to hang with them, but 989 of them are bots.

Comics about Stuff

It also depends on the speed of your Internet connection.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Status Update:

Congratulations to Paul Griffith--the new Chief of the Alfred Police Department!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Status Update:

Hey, NYSEG. I got your voicemail. Just a tip, you might want to invest in a robot voice that doesn't refer to your company website as "Niss-Sig-point-Cum."

Friday, October 3, 2014

iPhone and iOS: The Complete Newbie's Guide

Status Update:

A thing I said today: "Cornell has an endowment of like 2 billion dollars--" (It's actually $5.2 bil) "--You know what Ithaca College's endowment is? A box of used Happy Meal Toys."

Comics about Stuff

Yeah, I hate when there's a window open.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

I almost wish I got trick-or-treaters now.

Chair Screamer CS502 $2240 --via Facebook

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Drink to dogs! --via Facebook

Status Update:

Inbox ZERO, bitches! Oh, that's only one of three email inboxes? Well... crap.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

20 Excel Tips for Becoming a Spreadsheet Pro

In the last couple of years, I've learned more about Excel than I ever wanted. It's scary powerful software.

Become the office spreadsheet guru in no time with these hacks and tricks. --via Facebook

Monday, September 15, 2014

Status Update:

One of those things that disgusts people but doesn't bother nature: a dog turd crisscrossed in crystalline trails left by slugs and snails.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Status Update:

Hulu Plus users... visit the account cancelation link and you might get offered 2 months free service. I did. But they said I was their favorite.

Status Update:

Checked my credit score this morning in two places. One was "good," the other "excellent." 51 point deviation. Upon this randomness, people financial fates are placed.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

The Fastest ISPs of 2014

One of the many magnum opuses (opii?) I get to write in the next few months. Rate your ISP against the fastest.

Our tests reveal the speediest Internet service providers among the readership of PCMag. Is yours the fastest ISP? --via Facebook

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Status Update:

Tried not to care about Kenny Powers. But can't not watch him implode for the last time.

Comics about Stuff

I'm bad at respecting ass-scooching culture.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Status Update:

I haven't much to say today, so will no list The Things on my Desk: A wedding invitation. Tags off an apple tree. CUTCO Cutlery catalog. 25 ft. tape measure. Post-it notes that say "Joy to the World" on the side. A lot of plumber's thread tape for some reason. A miniSD card reader for USB ports. Calvin Klein eau de toilette spray. The screw out of an outlet cover plate. A 1995 peso coin from Mexico. TARDIS USB hub. Harmonica. Back scratcher.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Status Update:

About Kylie In my adult life, there were three Labs. Siren, Caper, and finally, Kylie. I didn't want Kylie. I had to be talked into getting a third Labrador—two just seemed plenty. But my wife wanted another dog to do agility with, and we knew the breeder, and Kylie had a sad story. Born in the summer of 1999, she'd been adopted already by a family down south, but had come back to Massachusetts to be bred. She had one single puppy (I call "the lit"). Then, her family down south decided they didn't want her. At age two, she got left be the family that trained her. So into my home came this fat little sausage of a yellow lab with her pig-snout and dirty ears and hanging teats. We bonded immediately. Before long she was in fighting trim and doing agility—she got more titles than Siren and Caper did. We moved in 2002 to Ithaca, and that's where Kylie spent the majority of her life. She liked to drag Siren around the hardwood floor by the scruff of her neck to "play." She loved Frisbee, right up until her dying day, even if she hadn't caught one in years—she was content to chase Madison around lately, as the little dog bobbed and weaved around the old lady. She loved to hike outside, and was okay off-leash until she couldn't hear; she didn't hike at the end because gravel hurt her feet. She liked to fetch at the off-leash park, but I stopped taking her there, because she was such a push-over that the other dogs would literally push her over. She loved to be brushed. Learned to hate hate hate her nails being cut. She'd attack a hose or sprinkler with gusto. She had warts more than fatty tumors (unlike her late older half-brother Caper, who was made entirely of fatty tumors by the time he passed last year)—one cyst we had taken off her forehead and she looked like a Frankensteinian monster for weeks. And she loved to eat poop. Kylie wasn't prone to adventures. She did disappear on me in the woods once early on, before she had totally acclimated to us, and after 45 minutes of my blind panic, she turned up with a look like, "okay, what next?" She didn't sneak out, steal food, or tear up toys or furniture. She didn't even stick her head out the window of the car. She was just happy to be lazy, occasionally play, loved to swim (though she didn't like falling in the pool face-first last month), and Christ did she love to eat. We had to toss her treats, or risk fingers. Kylie was key in keeping my head above water at a dark time for me—without her and Caper, I really feel like I would have been lost. They both kept me going at a time when 'going' wasn't a priority. Six months ago, aging somewhat gracefully, Kylie had a fainting spell in the snow. After that we confirmed she was in kidney failure, and changed her diet to help her out. She'd been having typical old-girl problems long before, and didn't seem much the worse after that. Until yesterday. After two faints in one day, we decided to let her go rather than let it get away from us. Or her. So last night we said good-night to the stinky old lady for the last time. It's one of those decisions that's a gift, because you can make it for a friend who is suffering, but one rifled with doubt and worry, because you never know if you did the right thing—the thing they wanted. I live with that every day. But I remain glad to know that she's resting, thinking of eating some poo, and dragging her sister around the floor.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Friday, August 22, 2014

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Comics about Stuff

With this info, I can now start my interior decorating bid-ness.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Status Update:

Lock your car doors Ithacans. Up here on Elm St. Ext., a few (stupidly unlocked) vehicles broken into last night, obvious money taken. #twithaca