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Exactly the kind of dad I'd like to be.

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man, always go with the celebrity.

Status Update:

New keyboard and mouse. Computer feels now completely alien and new.

Status Update:

It's been an okay year. Thanks for not unfriending. I guess. jk! Love you all, you dumb social media eff-ers!

Ithaca’s Cinemapolis to show comedy about North Korea turned down by theater chains

Cinemapolis will show

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Feelings are his kryptonite.

Pure music.

Norman hates Christmas but he really HATES when I sing. He gets so embarrassed. It's torture for him! Merry Christmas from our Bullmastiff Scrooge!!

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Ha ha it's funny because dying alone is the worst.

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That's always my excuse, too.

40.media.tumblr.com

Not gonna lie, re-watching LOST, and I lost it watching Vincent try to swim out to the raft when Walt was sailing away. I don't think they ever saw each other again.



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Elves and me. Living the dream.

I'm Sorry, But This Is Just The Worst

Time to switch to an entirely Apple based economy.

Selling Apple and buying gold was not a great idea.

http://ift.tt/1z1NTok --via Facebook

The Infrared Supine Sauna - Hammacher Schlemmer

Didn't Batman and Robin fight this in the 60s?

This is the personal sauna that allows users to lie in a comfortable supine position while infrared lamps provide deep penetrating, soothing heat.

http://ift.tt/1yDN01j --via Facebook

Status Update:

Disney hired me to work on the sequel to Frozen! I'm thrilled, and here's what I've got so far for Adele Dazeem to sing: "Snow you suck Snow you suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" That's it. Feel free to help me with more new lyrics.

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They really do work.

Manos Diner, a staple in Ithaca for decades, is closing its doors

Wow.

The 24-hour joint is readily recognizable by its prominent sign on Route 13.

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Status Update:

Sweaters!

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I love you, mom.

Status Update:

Finally saw the movie Whiplash. Now picturing Gifford Howarth making students bleed on their marimbas.

Perry Bible Fellowship

It's actually tomorrow, but close enough for an abacus.



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It's actually tomorrow, but close enough.

Status Update:

All this snow means... i don't have to finish cleaning up the leaves! #ThankfulnessDoneWrong

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This is an amazingly high quality joke that I can't believe hasn't been made before.

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No also means no. But vomit, that means NO.

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This is an amazingly high quality joke that I can't believe hasn't been made before.

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No also means no. But vomit, that means NO.

Status Update:

What's worse than realizing that crazy coot you saw having a conversation with an invisible friend is on the phone? Being jealous of their cool Bluetooth headset.

Status Update:

You know the Mad Men are out of ideas when both the Aflac duck and Geico pig are doing spots in yoga classes.

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How would Edgar Rice Burroughs handle iPhones? Now we know.

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Yeah, I like the "blue." That sweet, sweet "blue."

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This is everything everyone should ever need to know about romance. Take notes.

Status Update:

Oh my GRODD.

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I'm that guy even 4 years into a relationship.

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Youie leads to P-tui.

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My mom's favorite joke, made into a horror movie.

Pool

This is my mom's favorite joke, taken to the horror movie extreme.

Welcome to the

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’90s Kids Rejoice! The Spider Eggs They Used To Fill Beanie Babies Are Finally Hatching!

Time to break mine out of the attic and see if I'm rich... in spidery-goodness!

If you were obsessed with Beanie Babies in the ’90s, get ready to fall in love all over again, because the spider eggs they used to fill your favorite Beanies are beginning to hatch! Collectors all over the country have been reporting that the long-awaited day has finally arrived, with brown recl...

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Need Gift Ideas? Your Guide to Online Subscription Services

For that person who's impossible to shop for...

From socks and feminine products to recipe kits and toys, there is a subscription service for everyone on your list.

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Fall is for Dustbusters.

Test of a OneDrive Embedded Folder. Stick in a file!

Serial’s Sarah Koenig on Her Hit Podcast -- Vulture

If you're not listening to this podcast, you should. Though, apparently, if you've ever even heard the word "podcast" before, you probably already are.

I don't know that I'll ever be at peace with what we find or that there will be a definitive verdict.

http://ift.tt/1tl7jSG --via Facebook

Status Update:

Lindsay to me: (laughing) "Blumpkin Spice! That's what you'd be if you were a Spice Girl!"

Tools to Help You Write a Novel in 30 Days

Want to get all writerly in November? Here are some software tools to help.

November is National Novel Writing Month; here's the best software to help you write 50,000 words in 30 days.

http://ift.tt/1wC9DHt --via Facebook

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Always get a logo before the murder spree.

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I'm with the rat.

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This isn't just for teenagers.

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Let's just say it, this is a damn good joke.

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Wow, neat fern...wait.

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That's just horrible advice. Gary needs to get Spotify.

The Greatest Menace to Public Health Is ... Dog Poop

For those who argue with me about picking up the poo...

You're supposed to pick up after your dog. You know this. Everybody does. But it's late and you're tired and Fido just left a particularly nasty looking pile. Nobody's looking. Just leave it there. What's the worst that can happen?

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Status Update:

Nature! It's not for the faint of heart. Or for frogs.

Status Update:

1,000 followers on Twitter! I'd quit Facebook to hang with them, but 989 of them are bots.

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It also depends on the speed of your Internet connection.

Status Update:

Congratulations to Paul Griffith--the new Chief of the Alfred Police Department!

Watchmen » What The Informed Viewer Needs

You nailed it. 'nuff said

http://ift.tt/1tKGe7e --via Facebook

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The only announcement worth hearing at the market.

Status Update:

Hey, NYSEG. I got your voicemail. Just a tip, you might want to invest in a robot voice that doesn't refer to your company website as "Niss-Sig-point-Cum."

Musicless Musicvideo / SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (without singing)

Lunatic in the rain.

*No Copyright Infringement Intended all rights by MGM except the sounddesign. -created for parody purposes.

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The highway to hell.

iPhone and iOS: The Complete Newbie's Guide

Polly and Daniel, I wrote this for you.

If you've never had a smartphone before, but just picked up an iPhone, here are all the little things you need to know.

http://ift.tt/ZAio78 --via Facebook

Status Update:

A thing I said today: "Cornell has an endowment of like 2 billion dollars--" (It's actually $5.2 bil) "--You know what Ithaca College's endowment is? A box of used Happy Meal Toys."

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Yeah, I hate when there's a window open.

I almost wish I got trick-or-treaters now.

Chair Screamer CS502 $2240

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Deep into the cavernous maw...



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32 iOS 8 Tips Every Apple Fan Should Know

Got a new iPhone? Updated your iPhone to the latest OS? Then you have lots of new features to mess with!

The latest operating system for the iPhone (and iPad) is here. With it comes a horde of new features, both obvious and well hidden. We dug into them for you. You're welcome.

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Few things give me more joy than being THAT GUY.

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I'm always terrified this is going to happen.

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All true things.

Status Update:

Today's word that no longer looks like a word the more I look at it: SQUIRREL.

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At least he got a trophy afterward.

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherf***ers.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

[Originally published October 20, 2009.] - - - I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some f***ing gourds and arrange them...

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American Psycho with Huey Lewis and Weird Al

For Mike Parker.

Huey Lewis waited 30 years to enact his revenge on “Weird Al” Yankovic for parodying one of his songs, and it turned him into a real psycho. Click here for more “Weird Al” Yankovic: http://bit.ly/1xbx1eL

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This underscores my need to always, always, always carry a fake, classic, unplugged telephone.

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Just don't go for minion, that's been done.

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I would also like to clear this up. Dummy.

Quick walk.



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How despots are made.

Drink to dogs!



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Status Update:

Inbox ZERO, bitches! Oh, that's only one of three email inboxes? Well... crap.

20 Excel Tips for Becoming a Spreadsheet Pro

In the last couple of years, I've learned more about Excel than I ever wanted. It's scary powerful software.

Become the office spreadsheet guru in no time with these hacks and tricks.

http://ift.tt/1qJjBUw --via Facebook

Status Update:

One of those things that disgusts people but doesn't bother nature: a dog turd crisscrossed in crystalline trails left by slugs and snails.

Star Wars Minus Williams - Throne Room

This is why Chewy didn't got a damned medal.

This may not end up having anything to do with our version of Ep 4. Then again, it just might. Either way, we enjoyed it too much to keep it to ourselves. ht...

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Lloyd really is the worst.

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is Shat a brand name? Is Shatner involved?

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But his slobber washes the car.

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The wisdom of a child should be heeded.

Status Update:

Hulu Plus users... visit the account cancelation link and you might get offered 2 months free service. I did. But they said I was their favorite. http://ift.tt/WhdlWH

Status Update:

Checked my credit score this morning in two places. One was "good," the other "excellent." 51 point deviation. Upon this randomness, people financial fates are placed.

The Fastest ISPs of 2014

One of the many magnum opuses (opii?) I get to write in the next few months. Rate your ISP against the fastest.

Our tests reveal the speediest Internet service providers among the readership of PCMag. Is yours the fastest ISP?

http://ift.tt/1rmJEQi --via Facebook

The Tick Is Being Revived, With Patrick Warburton To Star

I want to believe.

The much-loved TV version of The Tick was axed by Fox in its first season, after just nine episodes. Now, it looks like the Big Blue Bug of Justice is back! According to People, the show is being revived by Amazon – and Patrick Warburton will star! And original creator Ben Edlund will write and prod…

http://ift.tt/1wWDon7 --via Facebook

Status Update:

Tried not to care about Kenny Powers. But can't not watch him implode for the last time.

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I'm bad at respecting ass-scooching culture.

Smokers Lungs vs Healthy Lungs #vinefamous

Amazing.



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Smokers Lungs vs Healthy Lungs #vinefamous

Amazing.



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Camoji - GIF Camera

This guy was a vicious little bastard for a 3inch snake.

Text animated gifs from your camera.

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But seriously we need to burn the house down now

Status Update:

I haven't much to say today, so will no list The Things on my Desk: A wedding invitation. Tags off an apple tree. CUTCO Cutlery catalog. 25 ft. tape measure. Post-it notes that say "Joy to the World" on the side. A lot of plumber's thread tape for some reason. A miniSD card reader for USB ports. Calvin Klein eau de toilette spray. The screw out of an outlet cover plate. A 1995 peso coin from Mexico. TARDIS USB hub. Harmonica. Back scratcher.

Status Update:

About Kylie In my adult life, there were three Labs. Siren, Caper, and finally, Kylie. I didn't want Kylie. I had to be talked into getting a third Labrador—two just seemed plenty. But my wife wanted another dog to do agility with, and we knew the breeder, and Kylie had a sad story. Born in the summer of 1999, she'd been adopted already by a family down south, but had come back to Massachusetts to be bred. She had one single puppy (I call "the lit"). Then, her family down south decided they didn't want her. At age two, she got left be the family that trained her. So into my home came this fat little sausage of a yellow lab with her pig-snout and dirty ears and hanging teats. We bonded immediately. Before long she was in fighting trim and doing agility—she got more titles than Siren and Caper did. We moved in 2002 to Ithaca, and that's where Kylie spent the majority of her life. She liked to drag Siren around the hardwood floor by the scruff of her neck to "play." She loved Frisbee, right up until her dying day, even if she hadn't caught one in years—she was content to chase Madison around lately, as the little dog bobbed and weaved around the old lady. She loved to hike outside, and was okay off-leash until she couldn't hear; she didn't hike at the end because gravel hurt her feet. She liked to fetch at the off-leash park, but I stopped taking her there, because she was such a push-over that the other dogs would literally push her over. She loved to be brushed. Learned to hate hate hate her nails being cut. She'd attack a hose or sprinkler with gusto. She had warts more than fatty tumors (unlike her late older half-brother Caper, who was made entirely of fatty tumors by the time he passed last year)—one cyst we had taken off her forehead and she looked like a Frankensteinian monster for weeks. And she loved to eat poop. Kylie wasn't prone to adventures. She did disappear on me in the woods once early on, before she had totally acclimated to us, and after 45 minutes of my blind panic, she turned up with a look like, "okay, what next?" She didn't sneak out, steal food, or tear up toys or furniture. She didn't even stick her head out the window of the car. She was just happy to be lazy, occasionally play, loved to swim (though she didn't like falling in the pool face-first last month), and Christ did she love to eat. We had to toss her treats, or risk fingers. Kylie was key in keeping my head above water at a dark time for me—without her and Caper, I really feel like I would have been lost. They both kept me going at a time when 'going' wasn't a priority. Six months ago, aging somewhat gracefully, Kylie had a fainting spell in the snow. After that we confirmed she was in kidney failure, and changed her diet to help her out. She'd been having typical old-girl problems long before, and didn't seem much the worse after that. Until yesterday. After two faints in one day, we decided to let her go rather than let it get away from us. Or her. So last night we said good-night to the stinky old lady for the last time. It's one of those decisions that's a gift, because you can make it for a friend who is suffering, but one rifled with doubt and worry, because you never know if you did the right thing—the thing they wanted. I live with that every day. But I remain glad to know that she's resting, thinking of eating some poo, and dragging her sister around the floor.

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if references were needed, you'd have never been born, kid.

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Seriously, the story of my life. I want ooooooout (side).

If only I had a time machine to get there sooner.

1 day to go... Are you ready to meet the new Doctor?

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With this info, I can now start my interior decorating bid-ness.

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Yes. Go... sports?

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I'd take those reviews.

Status Update:

Lock your car doors Ithacans. Up here on Elm St. Ext., a few (stupidly unlocked) vehicles broken into last night, obvious money taken. #twithaca

From China to Amazon to Me, Via Fedex.

has uploaded a photo to Flickr



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C'mon, what was her profile pic like?