• 00:22 Listening to @jeffsoesbe read. His publisher handed out whiskey and truffles to audience. #

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• 02:36 Finished a complete short story today, first one in a couple years. It may not suck. Not sure how to handle that. #
• 18:32 Drove by San Quentin. Nice real estate. Still wouldn't want to live there. #

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• 17:37 Check out the @egriffith/pcmag list! (wait... Twitter says NOT to tweet about lists... then provides a "tweet this list!" link. conflict!) #

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• 12:32 Time for many, many new werds. #
• 12:39 since when don't the holocaust and Win 7 go together? bit.ly/14660h #
• 12:46 I got interviewed by the PR Pros Blog. Go read it, PR Pros! is.gd/4Ew6g #

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• 10:00 Why do I show up early for anything?Especially TSA security theater. This airport is deader'n a Best Buy in Amish country. #
• 10:23 Ok early is good. TSS SAYS my bag has traces of TNT. srsly. So they are confiscating it while I walk home for another suitcase. W. T. F. #
• 11:19 Walked home. Got ancient suitcase. Walked back to airport. No dynomite! nice TSA agent repacked my stuff. Do I feel safer tho? Uh. No. #
• 11:21 Just watched pilot throw bucket of water on my puddlejumper plane's windshield. That's what passes for maintenance at Ithaca Airport. #
• 13:41 Security Theater Cost Me a Bag www.squishedfrog.com #
• 20:25 Hello San Francisco! Hello 75 degrees! #

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If I were a paranoid man who believed in conspiracies, today would have solidified those beliefs like The Virgin Mary on a piece of toast does it for the born again.

Earlier this week, I made a comment on a post at the blog run by the Transportation Security Agency (TSA). It was snarky and yet heartfelt, because, well, the TSA is full of shit. Everyone who’s ever been on a plane in the last eight years knows it. There’s a good reason what they do is called ‘security theater’—they put on a show for us, making passengers practically strip before the Xray machine, making sure our water bottles from outside the airport don’t make it on the plane (though it’s okay to take a sandwich, which could be twice as toxic to the wrong person’s olfactory sensibilities), as if any of it really makes you safer. You know the drill.

The TSA hasn’t annoyed me much outside of one time singling me out when I tried to fly and they found a Leatherman tool in my carry on bag. I had so many of the stupid things, given to me as freebies at tradeshows and by vendors, I had one in ever bag I owned. I freely gave it up. No biggie. Getting pulled aside twice more before boarding to be given the metal wand treatment felt like a bit much, but hey, that was right after 9/11. I could live with it then.

Today however, following my snark at the TSA blog (in which the TSA guy tried to defend the agency’s three ounce liquid limit rule after it was ridiculed in the web comic XKCD), I felt the true force of security theater played out for “my protection.”

I walked to the airport this morning—my apartment is barely a half-mile from the departure gate at Ithaca Airport, so why should I pay for parking? I’ve walked farther distances just trying to find my car at Logan. Flight was scheduled for 11:47; as is my mental defect, I left the apartment at 9:35, over 2 hours early. What can I say, I was excited to go. I’d sit and read or write for a while at worst.

I barely had my netbook booted up when US Airways called me back. I was sent down to the TSA counter. And the very nice female TSA agent, who looked pained to even have to say this to me, said that my bag was testing positive for TNT residue.

TNT. As in, dynamite. Explosive powder. In the same LL Bean back I’ve owned since the 1990s.

She also said it might have been on the sandals I had in the side pocket; last time I wore them was probably at the Cornell Plantations, so maybe I got fertilizer on them? Is that the same as a TNT residue? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. This woman was ham-strung. I could tell she didn’t want to inconvenience me. She also couldn’t let that bag (which she was repeatedly testing) on the plane without risking her job.

So I said I’d go get another suitcase. I walked back to my apartment, into the same closet all my luggage was in, and pulled out an ancient Samsonite over-sized suitcase that’s a real pain in the ass. I hate it. And I took it back.

(The real killer here, is I was at TJMax with my friend Wendy on Friday and we were both fighting over a fantastic suitcase we both wanted to buy... but neither of us did.)

Back to the airport, I was prepared to take the TSA up on the offer of stuffing my crap in garbage bags if this didn’t work. However, the Samsonite was swabbed and the swab fed into the machine and... no alarm. No danger. The bag would not explode. Wee.

The TSA agent repacked my bag while I joked with her that she must have to repack a lot of peoples stuff and see great unmentionable things. She asked if I wanted my LL Bean bag back... but what was I going to do with it? She suggested dry-cleaning, but I didn’t have time to take it back home. So, into the dumpster it goes. (Apparently there’s no danger that a bag would explode in the garbage. And how does one detonate residue on a bag in the storage area under the seating, anyway?)

So, I’m out a bag that was in perfectly good shape. I’m using my least favorite luggage. My TSA disgust is at an all time high, not with the individual agents, who were AWESOME, but at watching them go through the hoops set forth for them. I was lucky I flew out of Ithaca; had this been the truly overzealous agents at Syracuse airport, I doubt I’d have made it out of New York today. (I’m writing this from my layover in Philadelphia).

There’s no recourse for me as a passenger. I know there’s no way there’s TNT or anything of the like on that bag. The bag is now gone, for to fight to know otherwise and keep it would have meant ruining my travel/vacation. There’s no option for the average citizen to challenge that the TNT residue detector is faulty or uncalibrated or anything—at least when you get pulled over for speeding you can go to court and ask for a cop to prove they know how to run a speed gun. (At least you used to. I haven’t had to do that in a while, either.)

It’s a lot like getting a paycut on the day other people get laid off. What are you going to say? So I lost a suitcase. It could have been worse. Seven years ago if that happened, someone might have pulled a gun on me and locked me in a back room for a few hours.

Instead, it was put up and shut up. To do anything else would be an inconvenience at best and ruin carefully laid plans that impact more than just me at the worst. Is it any wonder we all hate air travel these days?

When two old women hugged good-bye over a separation rope (one was traveling, the other staying) and a TSA guy made ready to yell at them for touching, I felt even more POed than I did for my own ridiculous situation.

Do I really think the TSA singled me out though? Hell no. I don’t think most government agencies can get their head out of their ass, and that agency is at the top of the clueless list.

At least I got a nice brisk walk (or 3) in this morning.

• 11:54 RT @FakeAPStylebook: IMPORTANT- NEVER USE "Reuters." If necessary, substitute "European snooty-snoot wire sources." (thanks @whitneyarner!) #
• 14:37 I felt the need to reply to the TSA's response to XKCD. is.gd/4xZbu #
• 16:08 Have activated my advanced "out of office" e-mail reply technology one hour ahead of vacation. Tell no one. #

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• 10:20 Why are there Windows 7 ads all over PCMag.com today? Where are the ads for the DELICIOUS GRAPE JUICE? Isn't that what readers want?? #
• 12:39 I hope this Amazon Kindle app bit.ly/2KqchD is bundled on Apple's future iPad tablet. But right now, it's Windows only. #
• 13:30 Dollhouse won't air during November, then Fox will run out the last of the 13 eps. Shocked? Of course not. is.gd/4w8i5 #
• 13:44 I'm sure it'll be far too much to ask that Kindle for PC accept PDF and DOC files so they'll WhisperSync to my iPhone for reading. #

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• 08:10 RT @TheAuthorGuy: New B&N e-reader called the Nook.I will be making my living selling Nooky. Tks loads 4 smackin dat metaphor's ass, B&N. #
• 12:52 Holy redesigns.... the brand new www.pcmag.com is alive. ALIVE! #
• 14:08 This Just In: Starz will be showing all weather in counter-programming war against arch-rival and nemesis, The Weather Channel. #
• 14:46 Just removed a tick from Caper, first I've seen in 7 years. Tick removal is similar to zit removal. But more legs. #

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• 11:11 RT so true @Southworth: Neil Patric Harris as the Music Meister on Brave and the Bold: Unspeakably delightful! bit.ly/rUChj #

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• 13:48 Should I be embarrassed that I have no idea who Lady Gaga is? Is she a bounty hunter for the Sith? A rapper? No clue. #IAmAnOldMan #
• 13:57 Vendor just emailed me to say they are snail-mailing me something that is available on their web site. #
• 14:38 it is such a relief when I check my flooded email box and see 90% of the messages are sent to entire staff and have nothing to do with me. #
• 14:39 Sadly, I still have to read them for that one in ten time they actually do pertain to my job. #
• 15:40 These diety choco snack wafers really work! Because they turn once joyful eating into a torturous punishment for my mouth. #
• 16:12 The older I get, the more I write really long, snark-filled emails which I delete before sending. #
• 16:14 Why does Samsung not sell extra batteries for the Go (N310) netbooks? Do they not want my money? #
• 17:12 Joss Whedon to direct an episode of GLEE: is.gd/4rpiI I hope there are vampires. #
• 21:36 I can not wait to get to California. #

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• 20:21 Butters the Pimp: Do you know what I am saying? #
• 20:50 I know everyone loved the overrated Children of Earth, but I'll take Sarah Jane and Co. over Torchwood any day. #
• 20:56 Even if the show is just the BBC's way of reusing old Doctor Who costumes, it's 10x the fun of Capt. Jack. #

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• 08:07 Fluffy flic.kr/p/77T3iT #
• 08:48 Best Thunderbird "error" message (for when attachments aren't displayed in message): "This body part will be downloaded on demand." #

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• 09:36 Someone said to me recently, "no one ever blogs anymore." And I thought: That's me! #
• 10:58 I like that my typo of "formerly" for "formally" got a reader to correct me, complete w/ definitions, on assumption I'm mildly illiterate. #
• 16:00 Kids in Balloons are the Kids Trapped in Mineshafts of this millennium. #

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• 15:01 I really miss having time to read my Google Reader. 1000+ items to read? Puh-leeze. #
• 15:01 These days, I only make time to read Web comics. #
• 17:27 I just got an email that my $15 rebate for buying a D-Link 8-port Gigabit switch is... processed. Check's in the mail. Nice. #
• 20:22 Rather than go to B&N to work tonight on book-ish stuff, I stayed in to do same. Why? I did it for the DOG. #

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• 08:42 Best Google Voice v-mail transcription ever: the automated message from my dentist. Talk like a robot, and computers understand you. #
• 09:35 RT @neiljrubenking: ZoneAlarm Pro Firewall 2010 is FREE for 24 hours. Need it? Grab it! www.zonealarm.com/only24hours. #
• 09:50 All teeth in my head professionally cleaned; i'm now cleared to eat nothing but candy bars dipped in frosting. #
• 15:31 Who wants a Google Voice invite? I've only got one left. Bribes appreciated, nay, bribes expected. #fb #
• 16:43 Wow! Best episode of @PCMagAfterHours EVAR (since @kmonson left, at least). bit.ly/2haojC It's a Win 7 PARTY, kids... #

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• 09:50 Dilbert's pointy-haired boss sez: "As you know, a good process is a substitute for good employees." #
• 10:22 I'm not going to get any work done at all today knowing I have to put up the Columbus Day Tree and decorations. #
• 10:31 Why does our crap-tastic phone conference system not let me connect more than 2 minutes before a meeting? WHY DO YOU PUNISH PUNCTUALITY? #
• 11:57 It's become clear than I can't type the word 'hello' without putting an extraneous 'w' on the end. #
• 16:45 RT @glassyeyes: Optometrist or Optician Holding Your Prescription Hostage? Call the FTC. bt.io/Hyy [se riously good advice] #
• 19:38 My friend @katrinaarcher is a big-time INVENTOR and has the Widgety plaque from PIXAR to prove it cli.gs/nN471 So awesome. #
• 20:05 weee! iPhone update in progress... maybe now it'll stop trying to stay in sleep mode a couple times a day. (Tho we should all be so lucky.) #
• 20:42 Spending a few minutes on the patio swing, in the chill, eating a clementine with my best worst mutt by my side=relaxing. #

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• 18:52 RT @bheater: Developing feel-good sitcom about a 20-something woman with a lovable learning disability. Working Title: Slowly, but Shirley. #

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• 12:31 The arteries of business flic.kr/p/75PvTM #
• 12:32 Days in the office go by do much faster than my usual days. #
• 14:02 woohoo! I've lost all twitter followers, I'm following no one, and those I'm not following are three hours behind... twitter slows time. #
• 14:13 Things I see in NYC office I don't see at my home office: shoe scuff marks from someone standing on toilet seat. #

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From last Saturday, Oct. 3, walking the mean streets of Hornell with my nephews. They insisted on the Big Wheel.

• 17:33 Adios, second craptacular day in a row! Next stop... New Jersey. #

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• 08:25 Welcome to the OCt, bitches. #
• 09:05 an anonymous troll has suggested that I need "a kick twixt the cheeks." um...w00t? #

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