American or POP?

As I watch American Idol's early freak-show audition episodes, I'm horrified not by the singing or the bizarre antics of people seeking to get their 30 seconds of fame, but by their horrible, horrible teeth. Does that large a percentage of America need orthodontics work? Gah.

Better Than Bad, It's Good!

Waiting for the Trade

It's been a few years since I sang the praises of Westfield Comics, the mail-order company that every month mails me my order of funny books sealed in crisp plastic, surrounded by rice-based packing peanuts which my dogs love to eat. Them's good peoples. I have been ordering comics from them every single month without fail for 22 years this January... since I was 15-years-old.

I recently realized they had failed to ship me a book I had on order. I dropped them an e-mail and, lo, that graphic novel is now on the way. Like I said, good peoples.

So why am I contemplating no longer ordering from them?

Because I'm cheap. Now that I've almost broken myself of buying "floppies" -- the new and somewhat derogatory term for monthly comics which are almost always placed in a larger trade paperback (and more frequently these days, hardcover) collection later -- I wonder if there's a need for Westfield in my life. Part of what kills the purchase fun with them: I have to place my orders three months ahead of the ship time. That's how the comic specialty shops have to do it, and Westfield passes that on to its customer so it'll know ahead of time how much to buy, preventing over-runs or under-ordering.

Monthly comics don't typically manage to stay on schedule, but its usually a bit better with the trades -- they really can't solicit the trade collection without an end in site for the floppies the trade collects. That's fine, I can handle waiting. But the prices of the collections through Westfield, while good, pale in comparison to what I can pay on Amazon -- sans shipping.

For example, All-Star Superman Vol. 1 (hardcover!) comes out in March (supposedly). Cover price for this six-issue collection is $19.99. I bought it from Westfield last month -- three months ahead of time -- for $16.50, plus shipping (min is $6.50 for an order of books between $25 and $100,  even if that' just one $26 dollar book). Amazon sells it for $13.59, and its eligible for free shipping on orders over $25.

I that was all I'd ordered from Westfield for March (and it wasn't, I paid subtotal $69.55 for five trades and one floppy), I'd have about $3 more than the cover price.

I've yet to see any comic collection I'd want not for sale on Amazon. If they get an ISBN number, Amazon's got it.

So am I crazy?

I plan stay with Westfield until I get the last issue of the last book I am supporting monthly (Terry Moore's Strangers in Paradise). But what do I do after that? Stay loyal to a company that has not screwed me over once in 22 years, even though it costs more? Or do I save money ordering with my other favorite company, the one for which I have free money (since I've got an Amazon VISA card that pays me back with Amazon Gift Certificates)?

I just don't know.

PenPal

When I was a kid, probably age 12, I had a penpal. I have no idea how I got this penpal, or what his name was, or what country he was in, except that he was in South America. Maybe Brazil. I dunno. All I really remember about this relationship was that after a couple of letters back and forth, I wrote him like a six page letter in which I recounted in tedious, excruciating detail for him the contents of the three-issue comic book mini-series -- the first ever from Marvel Comics, so a big deal to me-- called Contest of Champions. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea. There were lots of "international" super-heroes in it, most very new to me, so maybe I though he'd like that. Not that any of them were from Brazil. Perhaps I just felt I needed to have something to say and that's all I could think to write about that week. (It was a lot like blogging, perhaps).

Of course, I never heard from him again.

The End of LOST

News from TV Guide.com today, that the producer of LOST are talking with their network overlords at ABC about ending the show at around the 100 episode mark (which would likely be about 7 episodes into a 5th year -- the show is currently 1/3 of the way through year 3). And I rejoice!

Not because I feel, like many do, that LOST has lost anything this season. It may not be up to the standards set by shooting Ana Lucia last year, but every show has a lull occasionally and for it to be just a few episodes and not a whole season or two is entirely excusable. Most shows start weak and find their way after a while (witness the earliest seasons of The Simpsons or Star Trek: The Next Generation). LOST started on top and had remained there until this year, and even now has creativity and ratings most other shows crave.

I'm glad that LOST will end on, hopefully, the top of its game. Television history is littered with the corpses of shows that overstayed their welcome, staying far past their freshness date expiration. Roseanne? The X-Files? Ugh. Let LOST join the ranks of programs that know when to quit and leave people wanting more.

Why Guest Directors on TV Don't Frickin' Matter

The geek world is all a-twitter with the news! Joss Whedon (creator of Buffy, Angel, and Firefly, plus director of several episodes of each and the movie Serenity) and JJ Abrams (creator of Felicity, Alias, and LOST-- he directed the pilot before running off to do MI:III -- and is currently working on the next Star Trek movie, whatever it may be) are each going to direct an episode of the best sitcom on television (for right now): The Office.

But, I don't care.

I'd watch The Office anyway.

And, I don't think either of these guys are going to do anything to make the show better. (Luckily, I think don't think they could or would ruin anything, either.)

Every TV show has its own look and feel. It doesn't change from episode to episode. You might have the occasional "very special episode" nonsense, but that usually involves a story change, a character change, etc. -- it doesn't impact the look of the show, how it's edited, the music cues, the lighting. Every ep still need to have 8 or 18 minutes of commercials, usually in the same spot. Each ep runs the credits at the same time in the same place. The same guys are in the edit room no matter who directs the show.

It's not like a movie where the director is like a shiny, golden god on a cloth chair, hair gleaming in the sun as nubile assistants get him or her their Starbucks and dry cleaning. Most TV shows have a set of directors they go back to over and over again because, primarily, they GET IT. They are a slave to the show first, the show is not a slave to them.

If Kubrick had directed A.I. instead of Spielberg, it would have been very different. But if Spielberg directed an episode of Battlestar Galactica, I'm betting it would still look just like the rest.

About the only time I think getting a "name" director could matter is if that guy or gal does the pilot, thus setting the tone for the series. Spike Lee did it for the new show Shark. Bryan Singer did it for House.

But when Tarantino directed an ep of ER that one time? Big deal. He made a much bigger impression as an actor on Alias. I think Brad Anderson is a fantastic director -- see Session 9 if you don't believe me -- but I couldn't tell you what two eps of The Wire he directed, or what episode of The Shield or Homicide, without looking them up. Haven't a clue. Because he didn't -- couldn't -- do anything that was going to distinguish his episodes from others. It would be too jarring to regulars.

Imagine if suddenly House or BSG or The Office was done in the "style" of guest director Michael Bay or Harold Ramis. You'd watch... but you'd regret it.

This guest director stuff is good for the marketing, that's all. It generates buzz. The Office doesn't even need it. If you didn't know it was coming, and didn't know the names involved, you wouldn't even notice. (However, I bet Whedon and Abrams are psyched. I would be just to sit on the couch in the background near Pam's desk.)

If these guys got to write an episode, that would shake things up. Ricky Gervais wrote an episode of The Simpsons and rocked the house. Would I love to hear some Whedonesque lines from Dwight Schrute? You betcha. But then again, the writers there already have Dwight down to a science. (His "you're PMSing really bad, aren't you?" to Pam, as she cried over losing Jim before she even got him, was classic.) Then again, people get certain expectations of writers and might expect Phyllis to become a smoke monster, or Angela to be a lesbian wiccan demon slayer by the end of the half hour....

Motion pictures may be all about the director. But on TV it's about the writing. And that's why TV is kicking just about every movie's ass these days.

Preferred Euphamisms

Lauren asked me today, "when exactly, did people start calling male genitals "junk"?"

I dunno, but I approve.

Other favored words for unmentionable parts in my household:

Cooter. Johnson. Danglies. Naughty bits. Bazongas. Herr Dingle. Coochie Mama. Steak and Potatoes.

You figure out which goes with what.

Patented Toys I Owned

First in a series? Probably not, this only jumps out because it's a patent owned by George Lucas for a doll of Yoda. Not an "action figure" -- it actually says "doll" in the patent. Why you have to patent this -- six bits of plastic hinged together under a cloth bathrobe -- is beyond me, but he did, and my childhood was just a touch brighter because of it. He was even fun after I lost his swamp housecoat-- he had brown, plastic PJs on underneath. [Via Ironic Sans, which was sent to me by Lauren.]