This would be even more horrifying if Rosie O'Donnell were in it...

tomatopatch.com : "Sleepless In Seattle" Trailer Recut

I've had a a couple of guys here at the house all day while I worked, installing carpet in our bedroom and upstairs hallway, and on the stairs (thus endeth the January 06 Spend-a-Thon). The dogs, as is their way, freaked out when they first showed up but stayed out of their way for the most part all day as they stapled and tacked and cut (things that never go well with a canine).

One of the guys, Doug, very nice, has a boxer at home, he's been playing with them a little just now and made a mention of his boxer, calling him Scooby-Doo. But a few seconds later, he quickly told me his dog's name was not Scooby-Doo. I'm not sure if he was embarrassed, or if he thought I would judge him harshly  (which I would, oh yes) for naming a boxer after a Great Dane. He said that growing up, the dog had a green collar once and when he was in the gangly puppy stage, he just looked like a Scooby Doo. So the nickname stuck.

The dog's actual name? Odin. Which is the name of the Labrador in my novel that I'm almost done with, swear to dog.

I want to take it as a sign. It's no burning bush nor is it as good as finding unscrambled porn on your cable box when growing up (a very good sign, indeed), but I takes my signs where I gets 'em.

Okay, time to go finish writing Chapter 38. Then Chapter 39 is the chase, and then chapter 40 is the fight and then... holy crap, denouement!

Anatomy after the Bowl...

ABC's hospital drama Grey's Anatomy, which has already benefited greatly from having the hit Desperate Housewives precede it on Sunday nights, will get another boost come Feb. 5 when it airs following the Super Bowl.

Why do the TV networks continue to think running a TV show after the superbowl is is a boost for that program? That hasn't worked since that show with Adam West premiered in the 80's, and guess what? It sucks and tanked anyway. The people who watch the Superbowl could give a tinker's damn about what comes on after the post-game, and the people who actually want to watch the show after will be 1) mystified when it's not on at 10pm like normal and 2) will skip it all together if the game goes into overtime. Which it will, so I set my TV to tape Grey's for an extra half hour, just in case. I'll bet that the ratings for that episode of Grey's Anatomy go DOWN on Feb. 5 compared to a normal week when Desperate Housewives is the lead.

Besides, if they want to "boost" something, try putting a show that is not already a hit after Superbowl. It won't work, but at least it would seem like they're trying.

Thoughts about the music video on this page (Keith Schofield / Wintergreen), which features the dirty secret of Atari and its E.T. game from 1982...

1. I probably have this in my basement.
2. I seem to remember this not sucking, but, christ, didn't all Atari games have bad graphics? The pixels the 2600 displayed were the size of my fist.
3. I can't sell it on eBay now because these guys probably will flood the market.
   

holy. fucking. cats.

UPN, The WB Merging Into CW Network

TV Networks UPN and The WB will cease operations in September, giving way to a new broadcast network that will build on the assets of CBS Corp. and Time Warner...[snip]The CW will incorporate The WB's current scheduling model, programming six nights and 13 hours of prime time fare per week, including unscripted series such as America's Next Top Model and dramas like Smallville, Gilmore Girls andd Veronica Mars. In addition, the net will also broadcast the schedule of children's programming now known as Kids' WB!.

This is probably good news -- especially for me since I don't get UPN in Ithaca, and now I can watch Veronica Mars on the TiVo instead of downloading it with BitTorrent -- but then again, with more oversight, this CW will probably cancel Veronica Mars just like WB cancelled Angel....

Sure, My Name is Earl  and The Office were renewed for next season by NBC-- and thank dog, cause that network is dying on the vine -- but what's more important is that SquishedFrog.com, the domain name for the very site you're visiting, has been renewed as well!

Three more years I signed up for... oy.

Also, more importantly, CBLDF.org is renewed through September of 2009. Join today...unless you hate freedom.

Twenty dollars? But I wanted a peanut!—Homer J. Simpson.

It's a shame that the culmination of our January spending spree will end next week with installation of carpet, because that's so anti-climactic. But it's nice we didn't have to wait too long for the big purchase:

I present to you our 2006 Toyota Prius, which we have named Sky, in honor of her delightful color (which is technically "Seaside Pearl" but that makes no sense, as sea-sides are sand, and that's not blue, but I suppose the wife and I shall have that argument until we're worm-ridden). Check out the Flickr roll to see more shots of this hybrid, including some of the dash.

Ooooh, shots of the dash, you say? Not very exciting, you say? If you don't believe a car dashboard can be a thrill-a-minute, you've never met the MFD. That ostensibly stands for "multi-function display" but I only call it this: the muther-fuckin' display.

Aside: There's not much I admire about the old TV show Knight Rider, with perhaps the exception of how David Hasselhoff looked in leather pants... smokin'. But for my entire life I have never, ever forgotten what his character, Michael Knight, said the first time he sat inside K.I.T.T., the talking car: "What is this, Darth Vader's bathroom?"

That's how I feel every time I'm in the Prius.

Imagine an LCD touch screen in the middle of the dash that you use to control everything—the audio (CD, radio, and it has auxiliary input for our iPods), the climate controls, the GPS system (oh yeah, full navigation system), shows just how well we're doing for mileage based on the use of the hybrid electric motor vs. the ICE (internal combustion engine), and even has wireless Bluetooth connection for those with supported phones.

(Next purchase for us: new phone, so we can use the car as one big automatic dialer.)

Maybe one of the most amazing things in the Prius, new in 2006, is the backup camera. Remember when people were expected to LOOK AROUND when going in reverse with a vehicle that weights a couple of tons? No longer! Using your neck has become a thing of the past thanks to the Prius.

Of course, yes, we know—all the mileage claims for hybrid cars are inflated, they use estimates established back when gas was 25 cents a gallon and cars had a crank on the front, blah blah blah. Even if we don't save money on gas (which, face it, we will, so nyah), we'll save on maintenance—the sucker only goes in for an oil change every six months. That's because the ICE is only used half as much. And as my wife, she knows, I hate the quarterly ritual of taking the car in for service. HATE IT.

So now, we got the car, we got our hall and a bed room professionally painted, and our new carpet is in and awaiting installation. This officially should put an end to not only most of our home improvement desires dating back to moving in, but also the spending spree...

Crap.

Now we have to start paying for all of this.

Doing a lot of writing the last few days as I'm in the home stretch to ending my novel's first draft. While I write, I like to play music on my iPod (or streaming on the PC) and I've found that I really need instrumental music. I didn't used to -- I could work with all kinds of tunes back in the day; I remember listening to Sarah McLachlan's Surfacing album over and over and over when I worked at FamilyPC magazine, sitting in my cubicle surrounded by mountains and mountains of press releases (thank god those days are gone... only one company sends me paper press materials anymore, and after I asked them to stop and they didn't, I don't even bother to open them -- they go in the garbage).

Of course, back then I was just a robot coding HTML pages for probably 50% of my day, feeding the web site content repurposed from the magazine. The site didn't become database driven until the year I got laid off when the magazine moved, so it was all hard coded Web pages I had to FTP to the server. Good times.  Seeing as the page coding didn't really require much concious thought, I could listen to anything. Too bad there weren't downloadable books on tape back then, maybe I would have learned Italian.

But now my writing actually means my brain is engaged as I go, so I find myself utterly distracted by any lyrics at all. So I turn to instrumental music, which I don't have a lot of, with the exception being movie sound tracks --lots of sci fi/fantasy/super hero flicks, natch. And really, what's better for writing an adventure filled novel that listening the the music that accompanies some of the best flicks. While listening to them I have come to the following conclusions:

• While the original Batman film in 1989 has some major issues, one thing that is NOT wrong with it is the soundtrack. It rocks and is as intertwined with the Dark Knight to me as John William's score from 1979 is with Superman. (Oh, and in case you haven't heard, rumor for the next Batman film is that producers are trying to get Johnny "Cap'n Jack Sparrow/Willy Wonka/Ed Wood/Ed Scissorhands" Depp to play the Joker. I was hoping for Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, but oh, well. )
• Superman, by the way, is probably the greatest film score ever. Raiders of the Lost Ark is second.
  
• Why couldn't Elfman's Spider-Man theme have been as good? You know what would have made a fantastic Spider-Man them was the tune from Kill Bill they used in the trailers  called Battle Without Honor or Humanity (go to link and click "listen") by Tomoyasu Hotei. Anyone would be proud to have it play as they walk down a hallway with a samurai sword in hand.
  
• Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring? To much Enya. But that goes for the whole world in general -- way to much Enya. Better to use Alanis, like they did with Narnia (tho I can't listen to it while writing, since she sings actual lyrics, dammit. At least Enya's noises only sound remotely like words.).
  
• Another favorite: the soundtrack to two video games, Halo and Halo 2.As distinctive if not more so than any film score, and just as good. 
• The best soundtrack in recent memory? The Incredibles. It's like the music of James Bond and the 60's Batman slept together and this is what they begat. Groovy on so many levels.
  

Levi Strauss debuts iPod-ready jeans - Yahoo! News

Denim giant Levi Strauss said on Tuesday it had designed jeans compatible with the iPod music player, featuring a joystick in the watch pocket to operate the device.

"joystick in the watch pocket." Hee hee.

This is how I want to go, with AC on and FX in front of me:

CNN.com - Mummified body found in front of TV - Jan 10, 2006

CINCINNATI, Ohio (AP) -- The mummified body of a woman who didn't want to be buried was found in a chair in front of her television set 2 1/2 years after her death, authorities said.

Well, perfect except for the whole bit about being surrounded by people stupid enough to think she'd come back.

I'm not usually one to toot the horn of other people named "Eric Griffith," as I prefer my own.

Horn that is. For tooting.

(Take that as you will.)

But I can't help but link to this page for a blog called Xupacabras, which I found while ego-surfing  to see who in the Interweb loves me. Look up "Eric Griffith" on Google Images and the first two links go to this page featuring photography of lots of naked people (NWS, which I have to say for my Dad's benefit means "Not Work Safe," tho luckily my dad doesn't have a job).

I'm happy to say, the two prettiest images were taken by someone with my name. It makes me proud for Eric Griffith's everywhere.

 Most of the images on that page, however-- photographs NOT taken by my namesake --  are creepy as hell. Like the melted clown. And the naked lady in bondage with the dwarf. And the one called "Child" which obviously involves some kind of demonic possession. You've been warned.)

The phone rand just as my wife was about to join me in the shower this morning. When she did, she said it was my dad, calling to thank me for a pencil sharpener I bought him for Xmas that runs on a drill.

"He was also asking me about the painters. It's probably some kind of sacrilege," she said. Probably true -- my family tends not to let any professionals come in the way of them and a household project, but the HELOC has my head filled with dreams of being surrounded by pros (get your heads out of the gutter.)

"How'd he even know we hired painters?" I wondered aloud, not remembering having mentioned it.

"He probably read it on the blog."

"Yeah... I hope he didn't read what I wrote last night, or he's shaking his head in disgust."

"What?"

I explained how I got up at midnight and wasted precious hours of my life writing out a plot for a Fantastic Four sequel.

"Yeah, even I'm shaking my head in disgust at that," she said. "How do you even know that they're making another?"

"Oh, they are, everyone's signed except for Christian Troy. They don't want to do Doctor Doom two movies in a row. There's only one bad guy they could use though."

She misunderstood my statement and thought I meant the FF only have one good bad guy, and said, "Doctor Doom?"

"No, no, there is one other."

"Who?"

"C'mon, you know this. Don't you?"

"Who?"

"The Eater of Worlds." She was silent, probably thought that was his name. "You know. Big guy. Has the Silver Surfer as his herald?" She shook her head, getting soap on my face. "Your nephew has a big action figure of him." Still nothing. I finally caved and said, "Galactus!"

"Never heard of him."

"That's just sad. You make me want to weep. I thought I had you fully nerded."

"More than I want to admit," she said.

"But your geekening is not complete! You should read some more comic books."

Trying not to be insulting, she put on a serious look and said, "There's a lot of important things I should be doing with my time."

"You name one thing more important than reading Stan Lee and Jack Kirby's run on the Fantastic Four and then we'll talk."

Without much though, she said, "I could learn Italian."

I just crawled out of bed, untired, my head whirling with a plot for a story.

Unfortunately, it's not even worth writing down as it turns out my head has spent the last hour creating the perfect sequel to the Fantastic Four movie of last summer. Writing it would be pure fan fic, and not that I'm against fan fic per se as a good writing exercise, but that's not going to get me anywhere.

But if you know your Fantastic Four lore (and I know a couple of you out there reading this do), here are my thoughts on the perfect plot:

Opening: A silver skinned being is hurtling through the universe, clinging to a gleaming metal board, determination in his alien eyes...

Cut to: News trucks gathered outside a giant cathedral, crowds gathered round, cheering. A newsperson says that this is the royal wedding of the century, the wedding day of two of the worlds greatest heroes, Reed "Mr. Fantastic" Richards and Sue "The Invisible Woman" Storm. Inside the church, the wedding is on, The Thing -- now rendered entirely in CGI to look like the REAL GOD DAMN THING -- is in an oversized tux playing best man. As the officiant gets to the good stuff, that's when four people in the audience make their move. One puts on an over sized helmet. Another pulls a backpack/gun combo from a pocket universe hiding place. Another attaches a sonic device to his hand. The fourth (Played by Thomas Hayden Church?) turns into a puddle of sand. They are THE FRIGHTFUL FOUR: The Wizard, Trapster, Klaw, and the Sandman! And they're ready to prove they're smarter and tougher than the FF! (and seriously, try to find any other better members of that group... they all suck.)

(I think that's what I hate about most superhero movies. It's like, one villian or two per movie? Fine, if they're featured, but these heroes have a LOT of enemies! Peter Parker even said that in Spider-Man 2-- but we saw zero evidence of him fighting anyone at all between Green Goblin and Doc Ock. I think a bunch of throw-away villains like the Frightful Four would be just the way to show, the FF are big, have enemies, and the world is not like it was before cosmic rays...)

At some point, Thing must call the Trapster "Paste Pot Pete."

Ends with Sue capturing all combatants in force fields and telling them to shut up. She shuts down the fight and the wedding goes on, and soon Mr. and Mrs. Richards leave the church, rice thrown at them by the crowd. The Thing leaves with his tux in tatters, worried that he'll never get the girl (his date, who's  blind ).

Off to a side there's a little guy who pulls out a big Kirby-esque radio and says something like, "yes my queen, I believe we've found those we need." (He's a SKRULL.)

Cut to: Next day at Baxter Building (rebuilt to look like the proper Kirby designed structure), a tour group is going through and sees all the merchandising of the group. Some kids get loose of the group and get as close as the 45th floor and are stopped by the perennially smiling robot receptionist and a squad of armed-to-the-teeth H.E.R.B.I.E. robots.

Inside, Reed is monitoring via TV and his own satellites the continued acceleration of some sort of meteor, passing through the solar system unexpectedly. He's only barely paying attention to his work with Ben trying to pilot something in and out of intense energies emanating from a doorway to another dimension, marked "N-Zone."

[I got a whole thing in here about Johnny needing a job and Sue putting him in charge of the FF business, stolen right out of the Mark Waid run.]

But slam bang stuff: The meteor changes course and smacks directly into the reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Monument. The FF jump in the Fantasticar to get down there stat, but meanwhile out of the giant crater in DC comes a silver being who proclaims, with a touch of melancholy, that this world is forfeit, in the name of Galactus! He tosses some military around, the President is evacuated, the Silver Surfer just waits for his boss to show. But the FF shows first. Carnage ensues. But they managed to somehow take him down and they take him back to NYC with them.

When surfer awakes, this S tells them his woeful tale of being the herald and guide to the Eater of Worlds. They assume by beating him it's over, but no way. Outside there's a four-story high guy in blue and purple.

Lots and lots of fighting and collapsing buildings and yelling and throwing of cars.

In the end, the Surfer turns on his boss, recognizing in humans the fight he once had on his homeworld when he saved his people by offering himself. He uses his power cosmic to help the FF take out Galactus, who falls. End of story, right?

Hell no! Shape-Shifting SKRULLS! Their ships are in the air, like a plague, locusts with ridged chins! They knew the FF could take out Galactus if anyone could, and that meant saving their world -- for them to take over!

Lots of fights with many, many midget sized green-skinned guys in purple outfits. (Really need a Hulk joke in there... would be a good point to involve Kl'rt, the SUPER-SKRULL.)

Reed and crew have to make a decision: They must revive Galactus. He's a living being after all, and can be reasoned with, hopefully. They use energies from the Negative Zone (the doorway tested earlier) to do just that. [Need scene with H.E.R.B.I.E.s fighting Skrulls! Oh, to die for...] The big guy actually gets rid of the Skrulls for our heroes, but he says that's payback enough: he needs to eat a planet or he's going to die anyway. The Surfer says, take my power and go away. Galactus does, but says, I'll leave you just enough power to get around -- but not enough to ever leave this planet. Galactus leaves, and the Surfer goes exploring around earth making big speeches all the time. Hooray!

And in between all that, Johnny learns a lesson in how worthwhile he is, Ben finally gets a decent date with Alicia (probably just as the Skrulls arrive), and Sue and Reed get at least one sex scene (probably off screen) because the ending should be Sue walking in saying, "What do you think of the name Franklin? I think that would be a good name for a baby, don't you?"

THE END of the WORLD'S GREATEST COMICS FILM!

(Oh, I can dream. Damn, this reminds me, I still have to watch the DVD my friend burned me of the bootleg, unreleased Roger Corman Fantastic Four movie... I'll bet I like parts of it better than the version last summer...)

It's not enough that we spent thousands (read: hundreds) of dollars during the holidays on all the relatives and friends we tolerate and love (in no particular order). Now that the month of January is here, the wife and I will be spending even more, millions even (read: tens of thousands) on ourselves.

This comes courtesy of our shiny new HELOC (home equity line of credit), which won't even be finalized until next week, but we're already spending it like drunken celebrities. We're having halls and a bedroom painted by pros next week; after that, we're getting new carpets in the same hall and a different bedroom (and installed by pros); and come the end of the month, we'll be the owners of a fancy new ee-lec-tric-al motor car.

Patterns within patterns: the bedroom is being painted blue, the carpet is blue, and the car: blue. Or Pearl Seafoam, or some stupid name. They're all blue to me.

The HELOC is, of course, just a really fancy version of a credit card, with checks instead of plastic. The difference/bonus is that all the interest we pay off is tax deductible. I might start using it just to buy groceries.

We can only have the HELOC because so much of our house is paid off, which is all courtesy of the ridiculous price we got for our old house in Massachusetts, which went into our current abode.... that sale will be benefiting us for the rest of our lives. Assuming we don't try to move. I've got to ruin the new carpet before I'll even consider that.