Finished my second freelance assignment of 2001 today (not that I've handed it in yet, but it's done). Because of that and some other stuff, I pretty much sat in front of the PC all day long. More like a typical day of my life, I suppose. I also did thank you notes via e-mail to the folks I've interviewed with this week. I'm terrible about getting notes out like that. That's my new rule-- thank you notes. Must do thank you notes. Even if I get dinged -- that way if the person they hired over me doesn't work out, I'm in. Maybe.

I did get another filling done today, and I think my dentist kicks ass even more today. I need to write them a letter telling them that.

Last night I went to the MediaBistro gathering for, well, the media in downtown Boston. I'm not good with the social aspect of just throwing myself in front of people and trying to 1) meet or 2) network or 3) both. It makes me feel desperate, like the wallflower at the school dance. I always do better after a couple drinks, but this place charged 7 bucks for one screwdriver! That's OJ and a shot of Stoli for 7 bucks, and half of it was ice. Ridiculous. So, I wasn't drunk enough to be overtly friendly. But luckily, Access people showed up, and I did talk to a wonderful editor from Network World (who actually recognized me from the picture on my Web site -- I knew that site was useful), so the night wasn't a total loss.

Still, it's disturbing to see how cut-throat some of the people are. I didn't see much of it to my face, but I went to dinner with four of the women from Access afterward and they were telling me about how some people came up, started a conversation, and then abruptly backed out when it appeared they weren't going to get anything out of them (networking-wise... it wasn't a meat market). So here's a note for all of you at MediaBistro gatherings who think it's just for making your next job connection: don't be rude to those who don't have the connection you want. You may need someone there someday.

Today was needle day for me. I've had 5 of them jammed into my body. It took three tries for the folks at Qwest Labs in Framingham to draw some blood this morning (my doctor wants my liver enzymes checked again... they were elevated last time). Then I got in at the last minute with my dentist and he shot me twice with novacaine before he started drilling away at some cavities. I missed my appointment back on the 17th because I'm a dumbass. But my dentist got me in today (and I have to go back tomorrow). My dentist KICKS ASS.

In between those trips, I went to the Access offices to pick up a bunch of vendor products that need to be returned (before Access tries to auction them off in the fire sale, whenever that is). The place was like a undisturbed tomb -- stuff was still on desks, it looked like we'd cleared out fast (tho we didn't) and would be right back. Sad.

My interview with the folks at EH Publishing this morning went very well. Nice folks, looks like a nice office in Wayland. It's only 9 miles from my house-- and only about a block away from my favorite restaurant in all of eastern MA, Sky on Rt. 20 in Sudbury. That's not saying much though, as the EH office isn't really near anything else that I could tell. But I thought the same thing of the Access office for months, and eventually we found the 'PO (the Depot sandwich shop) and all was well and we lived happily ever after. Well, except for that layoff thing.

So both our cars have managed to fail inspection this month. The Subaru wagon needed two new tires -- just the thing unemployed people want to spend money on -- and the Ford Explorer failed because on of the little tiny lights next to the rear license plate won't work! Jesus, who cares? I didn't even know there were lights back there. Are they for the people who drive up close to you at night with no headlights on, but they might still want to see what state you're from?

Quick list of the good and bad things of the last couple of days:

1) I had a second interview at SmarterLiving.com today. I'd like to think it went well (Hi Jon! Hi Josh!). I'll be back in later this week for another interview with the CEO.

2) I got really depressed about Access today. I miss it so damn much. I also started feeling like I've wasted this forced time off... and probably wasted what could be my last reall opportunity for a complete career/life change. I told that to Bonny at dinner, and bless her heart, she said "it's not to late, you know." But I'm to responsible to do anything except get a job. Cursed worth ethic...and moreso, curse my mortgage.

3) Finally, the check cleared from the guy who bought software from me on eBay for great big gobs of moolah. I'm now officially making more money on eBay while unemployed than I am from freelancing.

4) Speaking of freelancing, I finished my one and only assignment so far for this stretch of down time. Bon read it and wrote me a note: "some of the best copy you've written in a long time -- smart, clean, snappy." Instead of taking that compliment at face value, I said to her "You didn't really read it, did you?" (Unemployment also saps all sense of self-worth.)

5) My grandmother got out of the hospital after about a month and a half -- last Friday. And I haven't called her because I'm too wrapped up in my own little world. I'm such a bastard.

6) I'm finding myself becoming obsessed with how the hosts on National Public Radio introduce and greet their guests. It's a unique and fascinating art. I find myself paying close attention to how they handle it in the beginning, how the guest reacts to that first greeting (someone from Consumer Reports was on Talk of the Nation today, and when Juan Williams said hello, there was nothing but silence-- prompting Juan to say "hey, you there??"), and most of all, how the host wraps up after speaking to the guest with a recap of who they are and why they were special enough to be a guest.

New goal: To write something so pithy that NPR most take it and make me a commentator for All Things Considered, just so I can see what they'll call me. "Former editor of Access Magazine"? "Writer living in Massachusetts"? "Mass-hole"?

7) It never rains but it pours: After I got home from today's interview with SmarterLiving.com, it turns out I had calls for an interview at another publisher, plus a headhunter called. Maybe the economy is turning around. Or maybe it just takes three weeks for job hunting to really start paying off.

I have a bizarre demon to exorcise, and I shall do it here.

I've written a lot of stuff in the last few years, between work, helping Bonny, or just dropping my thoughts into things like this weblog. In fact I'm working on a freelance piece right now for ZDNet Downloads. And as I was just getting started writing a new paragraph, I found myself wanting to start it out with the same words I've tried to use a thousand times before to start a graph, and always discarded. I can't explain why it always jumps into my head. I just want it to stop. So I'm going to write down what it is here...here goes...I always find myself trying to start a story or graph with the following:

"Smell that? That's the smell of [tk]."

Why in hell do those words always strike me as some great way to introduce a subject? Am I that obsessed with the olfactory experience? Do I think I'm being clever? Or am I just stupid?

Well, hopefully this will prevent me from ever wanting to use it again.

Tho wouldn't it be funny if I wrote some great American novel someday and that was the first line?

Wow, I've been busy.

So, this week I had two job interviews. The first company already sent me a ding letter-- I think it's the first ding letter I've seen since college, and that's not to say I haven't been dinged, only that I didn't know anyone bothered sending letters by USPS for that anymore -- and the second has set me up for a second interview next week. I'm more jazzed by the second company anyway.

Of course, I'm still worried that I'll get a new job just in time for Access to be resurrected from the ashes. But there's little news there.

My email is back up, after a couple of iffy days. According to my Web host at www.your-site.com, many e-mails generated by eBay include some header that their e-mail server doesn't like. And it closes down an account until it's "reset." Whatever.

I had my first real interview yesterday. I think it went well. I don't consider myself a shoe-in by any stretch... those days are long over...but I think I could handle the job.

And in the bad news dept: I thought I'd found out all Access employees laid off on June 4 would be eligible for unemployment pay starting with June 5 because we're considered a "plant closing" -- but because we didn't get our severance in a lump some, we're disqualified for the first four weeks we're unemployed. And that sucks.

My e-mail is down. This is crippling in its effect. I'm waiting to hear from people who are supposed to pay me for items I sold on eBay. I'm waiting to hear from my friend Jill about how to find her for lunch today. I'm waiting for info about hiking up a mountain in New Hampshire on Tuesday. I'm waiting for all my "agents" at the job board sites to tell me all the useless listings that I won't have any interest in. My god, how can we put a man on the moon and yet my e-mail is down??

When I was still working at Access, I was set up so that all my mail to my personal e-mail would also be read at work, and at home. I got everything twice, but the redundancy was somewhat comforting. I never missed anything if I had to wade through all the spam twice to separate the wheat and chaff.

But this... this is torture. I can't get my mail via Outlook ("POP3 serve sent an invalid response"), nor using the "external mail" option with Yahoo!Mail. I called my Web/e-mail host last night and left a message, but by the time they get this fixed I'll be on my way out to my first interview of this lay-off cycle. I just hope they didn't lose all of it. That's so far away from redundancy that it makes my stomach churn.

How to tell when you miss having a regulary scheduled life: I just spent time playing with a text-to-speech synthesizing program (it's part of Babylon, which I'm reviewing for ZDnet Downloads), and to "test" it all I did for 30 minutes was type in bad words so it would swear and curse. I knew I was sad and pathetic when I started laughing at this. Oh, and I tried to get my dog, Siren, to pay attention to it by making the computer say all her favorite words out loud (in no particular order, those words are "ball," "walk," and "hungry.")

I need a life. Soon.

Today is exactly 8 days being unemployed, and I've finally got two interviews. One on the phone for a marketing position in NH, another as a features editor with a tech magazine in Norwood. Perfect positions? Who knows. Good for my ego? You betcha.

From E&P Online: 06/07/01 - 'ACCESS' MAGAZINE SUSPENDS PUBLICATION

Weekly Supplement Appeared In Dozens Of Papers
by Wayne Robins

After June 17, newspaper readers of the Sunday tech supplement Access magazine will have No Access.

Subtitled "America's Guide to the Internet," the publication has been suspended for the same reason newspapers and dot-coms have been suffering across the board: "continuing uncertainties in the Internet and advertising economies," said a company rep.

Founder Mike Veitch, who stepped down as CEO in March, is seeking fresh investment. According to industry sources, Access received about $48 million in venture capital funding. One source said the magazine supplement appeared in about 50 U.S. newspapers when publication was suspended.

From Boston Business Journal - June 11, 2001. I've stuck in some minor notes below...

Exclusive Reports
From the June 8, 2001 print edition

Access Magazine to suspend publication June 10
Donna L. Goodison Journal Staff
NEEDHAM--A weekly Sunday newspaper insert that billed itself as "America's Guide to the Internet" succumbed to the dot-com fallout this week.

The board of directors of Needham-based Access Media Inc. this week laid off 45 of its 52 employees and decided to suspend publication of Access Magazine after its June 10 issue.

Sources close to the 3-year-old publication say the company hit the skids a few months ago, because its only source of revenue up until that time was advertising--primarily from Internet-related companies--that wasn't sufficient to put the operation into the black. To offset a loss of advertising also being experienced by other publications nationwide, Access Media began charging fees to the then-85 affiliated newspapers that carried Access Magazine in their Sunday editions, a move that prompted approximately 35 newspapers to cease inserting the publication.

"When you've got a product whose sole focus is the Internet, and they derive their revenue from Internet companies, you could clearly see they were in a bad place in a bad time," said one industry source, who did not wish to be identified. [Mr. Unidentified Source, you are a dumb-ass. Our ad revenue came mainly from PC companies like Dell and Compaq. Not that they're doing great, but they aren't out of business. -- ECG]

Access founder and former CEO Mike Veitch is leading management discussions for new financing in an attempt to resume publication of the magazine.

Access Media management declined comment this week, referring calls to an outside company spokesperson.

The magazine's approximately 50 newspaper affiliates were notified of the moves in a statement this past Wednesday from president and chief executive officer Thomas Ferguson, according to company spokesman George Simpson.

"The decision to suspend was reached based on an assessment that current discussions on the part of management with potential new investors will require at least two weeks to reach a definitive decision regarding new investment in Access Media," Ferguson stated in the letter.

According to Folio: First Day, a twice-weekly newsletter covering the magazine industry, Access Media raised $16.1 million last August from its pool of investors that previously had ponied up $31.3 million to launch the company.

General Atlantic Partners LLC, a Greenwich, Conn., venture firm that was Access' largest investor, issued the following statement: "We are aware that the Access Media board of directors determined this week that, given the current economic environment and its impact on the industry, the company should suspend production of Access Magazine. We understand management is in discussions with potential new investors that could allow the company to resume publication." [And WHY did the board decide to suspend publication, GA? Because you pulled out your cash! Oh, forgot to mention that to the widdle reporter, didn't you?-- ECG]

It was only in January that Veitch said Access Media was close to breaking even. [In December we were told we might also be profitable in 2001! And we probably could have been, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids. Uh, I mean, the economy. -- ECG]

"About $47 million has been invested to date," Veitch said in a previous interview with the Boston Business Journal. "Not much more will be required. We're very close to break-even. We expect to be profitable certainly by the end of Q3 of this year."

Veitch also had dismissed questions about whether Access Magazine would fall into the dot-com deadpool.

"We're not a dot-com company," Veitch said. "We're a publishing company that has a significant Internet enterprise. We were never a part of the big bang this year, and we're not part of the big bust this year."

Veitch was removed from his CEO position in March, however, and approximately 20 staff members were laid off as well.

The staff members who were given pink slips this week received two weeks' pay as severance.

I'm starting to get to the point where I like the mechanics of trying to get a new job. The daily search through the various job boards, the constant tweaking of a résumé or cover letter to better suit the prospective employer, tracking the applications and follow-up calls... It's all sort of relaxing, in the same way doing mind numbing HTML coding used to be.

I don't consider this a good thing.

Selling crap on eBay takes on a whole new meaning when you're unemployed: it could be the difference between your next meal and a growling tum-tum. Thus I've taken a bunch of old and new crap that I've had laying around for years after finding it to be relatively useless, and placed them up on that venerable Internet institution. You can view all of my auctions and I encourage you to buy.

Earlier this week, I sent out the following to just about everyone I know or give a crap about that might not have heard about the current situation:

Friends, freelancers, and family:

Remember how I used to get laid off all the time? Back in 1999, the hey-day of the "new economy," I would seemingly get a new job every few months as one company would move, or another would go under? Well it happened again, sort of.

My current gig as Senior Technology Editor at Access Internet Magazine may have ended. The magazine has "suspended publication... with the hopes of resuming publishing in the near future" (this is from the official company statement) pending our former CEO getting new financing. If he can, and if we go back, and if we make it to the end of the fourth quarter of 2001, and if the advertising dollars pick up, we'll live happily ever after. That's a total of 4 "if"s -- way too many to pin my hopes and dreams of continuing to pay my mortgage on.

So, I'm now actively seeking new employment in Eastern Massachusetts. That's where you come in. Anyone with even the most remote lead on a company that might be interested in a editor/content producer/project manager, whether the company is in this area or elsewhere and might consider someone to telecommute or freelance, please let me know. The current economy isn't being kind to any company, not just Access, so jobs are scarce. I really didn't know how easy I had it the last few times I got laid-off. This sucks.

If you can't provide job leads then I expect either an excruciatingly large amount of moral support (please call-- I have so much free time now...), prayer on my behalf to the higher power of your choice, or cash donations once my savings runs out (you can send it via PayPal, I'll take whatever I can get).

Thanks in advance for any help, and if nothing else, I'll probably make time in the next few weeks to get in touch with you, with my inner self, and I'll probably sell a lot of stuff on eBay.