 Placement
Perfect
By
Eric Griffith
I
know how to fix the financial problems some Internet companies are
having.
All
it will take is some clever advertising. I'm not talking about banner
ads on Web pages. We all know it's second nature to ignore them
-- well, except for those big honking ads in the middle of some
pages today, the kind filled with Flash animations and noises that
make reading news and stock quotes more of an adventure. I'm talking
about public notices in the real world, but not billboards or TV
commercials -- I mean ads in places they can't be avoided. Such
guerilla marketing could rejuvenate the economics of the Web.
I'm
convinced of this because of a recent run-in I had with a promotion
from Half.com (full disclosure
time: Half.com has advertised in Access). After finishing my General
Gau's chicken from the local Americanized Chinese cuisine counter,
I cracked my fortune cookie open to get to the Confucian advice/date-with-destiny
communique inside, and this is what I saw (word for word):
FREE
$5*: Save a FORTUNE at Half.com!
*first-time buyers only
Amazing Prices: CDs, DVDs, PCs, more
*$5 off $10 purchase
Enter code "Fortune 77" at Checkout
All
that in a space only 2 by .5 inches.
This
got me to thinking. Half.com had me as a captive audience. I couldn't
avoid their message, because obviously I'm going to read my fortune
cookie. It's right in my face. So I've come up with a few other
unavoidable real-world places for dot-coms to place their ads. And
to polish my copywriting skills, I've also included some fake ad
copy with each for some of my favorite sites.
Stoplights:
If elevators can have little screens with advertising, why should
you wait in boredom during stops at the intersection? As your eyes
are glued to the traffic signal waiting for that switch to green,
imagine a little flag popping out the side reading: "Bored
in Traffic? You won't be if you rent the DVD starring Michael
Douglas and Benicio Del Toro at Netflix.com
today!"
Forehead
tattoos: Many kids will wear any sponsor's clothing in exchange
for tuition, NASCAR racers look like walking logo collages and professional
athletes may soon be sporting tattoos of a sponsor's logo. Why not
put employees to work as a moving billboard? If you're a laid-off
dot-com worker, picture reading this above the eyebrows of the next
human resources professional you're being grilled by: "Your
latest interview isn't working out? Post your resume at Monster.com and get results."
Urinal
cakes: Placing an ad on the scent killers in men's restrooms
is practically a guaranteed hit (to use Web terminology). Imagine
it reading: "Want to know How
to Cure a Running Toilet? Head over to CornerHardware.com
and save!" (Optionally, this ad could just be printed on
the mirrors in the ladies rooms.)
Got
any better ideas for ad spots? Send them to me at egriffith@accessmagazine.com.
Eric
Griffith, a senior editor at Access, has no formal advertising copywriting
experience. (Hard to believe, huh?)
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